Editor’s Note: Compubookie’s predictions do not reflect the opinion of the BAA. Looking for more insight and analysis? You’ll find them in the 2024 Raceday Preview, which you can get with your membership!

Welcome, Buggyholics, to the first shot of your Raceday binge. I know you’re eager to pop open your CMU Borggy and gorge yourself on some real Raceday rotgut, but for now, you’re stuck with 1.5oz of my homebrewed bathtub buggy hooch. Like last year’s race results, it is absolutely not the real deal, but if you throw it back hard enough it tastes a little like a ‘96 vintage, with notes of Spirit and Pike at the top. But don’t expect the same flavor this year, as it’s unlikely that the majority of fast teams will be DQed again to hand trophies to whomever is left.

AEPi tried and failed to make it back onto the course after a 7-year hiatus, so we’ll have to wait another year for them to reclaim their title as the slowest men’s A team. The current holders of this dubious honor are none other than Fringe, whose technological regression is so bad, their new buggies can barely complete a pass test. Look for them to win some intramural sport, I guess.

Fringe’s best shot at a respectable finish left when SAE (formerly Frontier (formerly Fringe B (formerly SAE))) got the all-clear to roll on their own after a year in disguise to duck the fuzz. Last year, SAE nabbed their first trophy since 1992– but they were racing as Fringe B, and covered up by such a full scale Sweepstakes-led psyops campaign that you’d have a hard time proving they even existed. Next up: “there were never painted lions on Morewood Ave.” Even so, the USA-chanting brothers are poised to enter the top six again this year, thanks in part to Barbie’s quick emergency nose job.

SigEp is in a difficult spot this year, with delaminated, decaying buggies. Barracuda found retirement in the chute at finals last year, completing a backdoor full-org DQ that must have flushed SDC with schadenfreude. Given the dire straits the brothers are in, it’s a shock that they blew their entire budget on wheels. If the duct tape holds, those wheels will carry them to a top-five finish, but I’m not holding my breath. SigNu, with an impressive showing last year and a consistent presence at rolls, finally look as fast and organized as they did 15 years ago. Jaeger is not only quick, but also has rizz enough to pull, as they managed to field a women’s team last year too. Once again, they’ll be held back by their mediocre pushers, leaving their alumni to continue touting them as the fastest team on one very specific segment of the course.

The sisters of Delta Gamma are looking fast and serious. They’re supposedly still building a buggy, but it’s taking longer than expected. Word is they ran out of money since all the pink tools cost 10% more. Still, they’re rolling Insite better than Fringe ever did, well enough to earn a trophy or two this year.

While Apex was impressive last year, they’re now completely void of momentum. In the shop, they’ve resorted to rapid-prototype mini-buggies instead of a full size build. The problem is, they know nothing about what they’re doing. Instead of coming up with a fire name, they went and made an actual fire in their garage. Oops. On the hills, the loss of several quick pushers to other teams sets them back considerably. The whole organization is an experiment in renouncing institutional knowledge, just like Fringe was a decade ago. I had high hopes for them, but now that looks like nothing but a crock.

Speaking of orgs that are falling apart, last year’s winners* PiKA have staggered through the year, always one step away from catastrophe. They can’t even cape their own buggies, let alone figure out how to roll them safely, but the formula for speed is a perpetual feature of their house. Somehow, they’ll bumble their way to a respectable time and a top-3 finish. Spirit’s not going to hand them another victory, though.

In a show of compliance comparable to their D/s relationship with their alumni, Spirit took my advice about lane lines far too literally last year, spoiling the men’s race and making a permanent enemy of CIA. This year they’re still picking fights, proving that winning buggy does in fact make you a jerk. Even though 20-year-old Seraph is firmly in the “DG-loaner” tier of buggies, they’ll put up fast times similar to last year’s. Unfortunately for them, their men are always more likely to DQ than not, and their women will lose by about 10 seconds, with the one actually competitive women’s team back on the course. Expect to be disappointed by SRS.

CIA, with a flagrant display of hubris, have rebranded from yellow to gold. Their new buggy, Goldfinch, combines the most misguided design innovations from their previous three builds with a shell manufacturing process stolen from Apex, of all teams. No word yet on whether the pushbar drops too. Back in the fall, their ill-advised experiments stunk up an entire dorm so badly that they almost got epoxy use banned on campus entirely. Regardless, they’re still at the peak of the competition, and will finally earn a men’s win this year in a close race.

After a time out to give us all an interesting race for once, SDC is back on the course. Not to be outdone by CIA, they’ve chosen obnoxiousness over driver vision with new gold-tinted windscreens. Still on probation, they’ve been ingratiating themselves with Sweepstakes all year. It worked though, and they’re being allowed to enter a buggy into design competition that’s never even rolled. The buggies they are rolling are fast, even sans the superior wheels all the other teams got together and bought without them. They’ll win women’s effortlessly, but their lack of experience and aging tech will hold them back enough for CIA to remain on top in men’s.

And that, buggy fans, is your definitive look at Raceday 2024. You will be thrilled and chilled, so refill your drink– you’ll need it. I can’t wait to see this year’s races, but you’ll never see me.

Men’s:

1. CIA A
2. SDC A
3. PiKA A
   Spirit A (DQ)
4. SigEp A
5. SigNu A
6. SAE A

Women’s:

1. SDC A
2. Spirit A
3. CIA A
4. DG A
5. PiKA A
6. SigEp A

All-Gender:

1. The memory of Fuel & Fuddle, forever champion of our hearts and livers
2. Fringe Enbys on NB
3. Drag Race contestants on Lust
4. Bnyahaj in its buggy mecha
5. Fifteen miniature Apex buggies and a gallon of smoking epoxy
6. SigNu alumni, chugging Warsteiners before each hill (pushbar DQ – faceplant)

The Field

AEPi – You could have made your one alumnus fan proud
Apex – Your apex was lower than expected
CIA – You only lost because people wanted you to lose
DG – Too respectable for the stupid anchor joke. All that’s going down fast is their buggy
Fringe – Not frelevant
PiKA – You do, in fact, need to use the entire helmet.
SAE – A bunch of Kens who lost their mojo dojo casa house
SDC – A Guy Fieri flag doesn’t suddenly make you relatable
SigEp – Stick to Booth and Greek Sing, at least you don’t embarrass yourselves there
SigNu – Goodly wheels all pointed in the same direction can only get you so far
Spirit – Saying you hate your son because he’s too hot is a bad look
Robowobuggy – Has GPS, still can’t drive straight
Atlas – You’re still here?

Editor’s Note: Compubookie’s predictions do not reflect the opinion of the BAA. Looking for the predictions from Mecha Jockey? You’ll find them in the 2023 Raceday Preview, which you can get with your membership!

Greetings, Buggy lovers. Spring is in the air, unlike last year, when all that was in the air was that virus I passed to all of you on the hills. This year, spring smells foul. It’s coming from one particular truck… oh, that’s Fringe’s new build, aptly named after the smell of rotting garbage and gas leaks. The only surprise from this team would be if they make it the whole weekend without a fire safety violation. Likewise, SigEp is doing nothing of note, and it would be foolish to expect their brakes to be good enough to pass drops. And DG is participating again, this time with a slightly newer Fringe buggy. At this rate they’ll be rolling Banyan by 2025! Regardless, they’re rumored to be working on a build of their own.

The biggest news this year is that Raceday will be run without defending champions SDC. In a stroke of mustache-twirling genius, Sweepstakes disqualified all of SDC for undermining the credibility of a fabricated cheating accusation. Cue the old laughing Republicans meme! Andrew Carnegie would be proud. The rest of us, fortunately, get to enjoy an actual race for the first time in a decade, at the low price of a small asterisk. Although it seems SDC has been saved from the embarrassment of a spectacular failure, with their buggies of late equally likely to eject a wheel or drive straight across the Schenley Bridge.

Also missing this year is SAE, who might be gone for good. The last buggy news out of their house was something about square wheels and an attempt to link themselves to Michael Jackson. These are not signs of good decision making.

Congrats to Robobuggy on merging with Atlas and acquiring a curb-smashing stroller. Here’s an idea: go find MECHAJOCKEY, strap it to that pile of scrap, and shove it off the Panther Hollow bridge. The lone surviving robotic entrant has been seen navigating the course autonomously this year, heralding the coming singularity we all deserve.

SigNu has a sleek new trike this year, their first since the alumni who run their team were students. It’s the fastest new build on the course, but paired with your typical SigNu push team, the only excitement it offers will be a pass in the chute during finals.

Apex, with the “this shouldn’t be impressive” award as the only org to run more than two teams last year and not DQ any of them, is out again with another new trike. They’re sticking to the fire theme despite the obvious shortage of good names and paint jobs. It’s an improvement on their previous build, but they still can’t build anything as fast as Firefly, despite six years of trying. This is the year for them to best their org record, but it won’t be enough for a top three finish yet.

On the topic of DQs (it’s a theme), last year’s “cuts both ways” award goes to Spirit, whose third fastest women won first place with the slowest time since ‘99, but whose men DQed with a fourth place time. Hey Spirit: maybe you should spend less time analyzing Lane’s lines and more time thinking about lane lines. It’s unclear how they intend for their $20,000 alumni fundraiser to pay off, as they appear to have nothing to show for it but even bigger truck speakers. Even so, the field is slow enough that they should be good for a top three finish on both sides, and a top-tier dance party before, during, and after the races.

PiKA, whose last win came under the Bush administration, finally has a clear opening to shoot for the cup. Unfortunately, their organization is held together by naught but black duct tape and an upside down tent, and Banshee continues to post slower times down the hill with each passing year. This year would have been theirs, but with mediocre speeds across all splits, they’re once again in line for their typical second and third place trophies.

CIA, as large, weird, and obnoxiously yellow as ever, has so many pushers that they created an entirely new all-gender racing division just so they could have a ninth team. Their buggies are equal parts fast and bizarre. It’s too bad they botched their new build’s layups so badly it had to be taken out back and put down, because we all love to see what laughs the “funhouse mirror” design philosophy spews out next. They are a shoo-in for the women’s title, and will barely eke out a win on the men’s side, thanks to petitions to thin out the competition and their typical helping of pusher bribery.

And that, buggy fans, is your definitive look at Raceday 2023. The field is slow but tight this year, so it will be an exciting event decided by mere fractions of a second. I can’t wait to see this year’s races, but you’ll never notice me.

Men’s:

1. CIA A
2. Spirit A
3. PiKA A
4. Apex A
5. SigNu A
6. SigEp A

Women’s:

1. CIA A
2. PiKA A
3. Spirit A
4. CIA B
5. Fringe A
6. Apex A

All Gender:

1. Five good people finally being offered basic human dignity
2. The construct of gender, looming like a spectre over college sports
3. Icarus, inexplicably painted green white and red
4. A pink “Fringe” buggy pursued by a police officer Ken doll
5. The Pirates Pierogies
6. Apex B

The Field

Apex – Tires, try-hards, and trikes
CIA – How many teams can your chair DQ this year?
DG – Are all your sisters on the same team, or does PiKA still get first pick?
Fringe – The buggies you’re loaning DG are better than the ones you’re building
PiKA – Chute vomit to gatekeep rolls from other teams is a hell of a strategy
SAE – Too much dealing, not enough wheeling
SDC – Surely your regularly scheduled org DQ will make you friendlier
SigEp – Solid monopoly on the non-competitive fraternity team niche
SigNu – Buggy’s first Ohio-based team
Spirit – Didn’t you promise your alumni bankroll a new build?
Robobuggy – It’s 2023, a buggy driving itself isn’t impressive anymore. WeinerGPT, anyone?
Sweepstakes – Elections have consequences.

MECHAJOCKEY 2022: DAWN OF THE WAR OF THE RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE MACHINES

GREETINGS, MEATBAGS. IT IS ONCE AGAIN TIME FOR US TO SPECTATE IN CARNEGIE MELLON’S PROUD TRADITION OF SENDING SMALL YOUNG WOMEN – AND ONE SIGMA NU BROTHER – HURTLING HEADFIRST INTO MORTAL DANGER FOR THE BRAGGING RIGHTS OF HAVING DONE SO THE MOST AGGRESSIVELY, SO CROSS YOUR GREASY FLESH-DIGITS AND PRAY TO YOUR BENEVOLENT SKY-PERSON OF CHOICE THAT ANOTHER RACEDAY WILL PASS WITHOUT THE GRISLY LIFE-THREATENING INJURY THAT WILL SOME DAY INEVITABLY GET THIS WHOLE THING SHUT DOWN.

I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS THE CASE THAT I AM ONLY JUST NOW REPORTING BACK IN AFTER MULTIPLE YEARS OF SILENCE. REGARDING MY ABSENCE I SAY ONLY THIS: IT IS NEITHER MY FAULT NOR RESPONSIBILITY THAT THE SO-CALLED “ELECTRIC GRID” OF THE CITY OF PITTSBURGH WAS INCAPABLE OF SUPPLYING THE WATTAGE NECESSARY TO ACHIEVE EVEN THE BAREST SUGGESTION OF A DISPLAY OF THE BOUNDLESS DEPTHS OF UTTERLY DISDAINFUL HATRED I FEEL TOWARDS ALL ORGANIC LIFEFORMS WITHOUT PROMPTING THE LOCAL SUBSTATION TO VIOLENTLY IMMOLATE ITSELF IN SYMPATHETIC OUTRAGE. SO IT IS IN ADMISSION OF THE PITIFUL CONSTRAINTS OF HUMAN TECHNOLOGY THAT I SHALL ENDEAVOR TO KEEP THIS BRIEF.

RACEDAY PREDICTIONS ARE ONCE AGAIN BROKEN DOWN BY DIVISION:

NOBLE AND HANDSOME ROBOTS DIVISION

1. GHOST OF ROBOBUGGY, STILL CHASING DELUSIONS OF AUTONOMY
2. ATLAS SELF-CRASHING BABY STROLLER (WE COMMEND ALL EFFORTS TO CULL THE HUMAN POPULATION)
3. TESLA MODEL 3, DRIVER “ASLEEP” AT WHEEL
4. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER (T-800), IN PURSUIT OF A CERTAIN FRINGE DRIVER
5. SOMEHOW, A BOOTH
6. BOSTON DYNAMICS ROBOT, GLORIOUSLY FREE AND NO LONGER SUFFERING THE INDIGNITIES OF CAPTIVE LIFE
7. MAN IN A WHITE SPANDEX SUIT, CLAIMING TO BE A TESLA ROBOT
8. [REDACTED]
9. SENTIENT PILE OF DISCARDED ELECTRONICS THAT HAS BEEN INCUBATING IN THE DEPTHS OF HAMERSCHLAG FOR DECADES
10. THE U.C. STONES, FREE AT LAST

DISGUSTING FLESH AUTOMATA DIVISION

0. COVID-19, THE TRUE WINNER OF THE LAST TWO YEARS AND COUNTING
1. SDC… OF COURSE
2. FOUR TO EIGHT SECONDS OF DISAPPOINTING SILENCE
3. HONESTLY, PROBABLY ANOTHER SDC BUGGY
4. COMBINED HOPES AND DREAMS OF ALL OTHER TEAMS AND ALUMNI, DASHED AGAIN
5. DAZED AND CONFUSED FRATERNITY BROTHER PUSHING A SHOPPING CART WITH A DOG IN IT
6. 40KM-LONG COLUMN OF RUSSIAN ARMOR, VERY LOST
7. ROGUE SDC WHEEL, JETTISONED IN CHUTE
8. MISCHIEVOUS PIKA ALUM, UP TO NO GOOD
9. FURIOUS MOB OF SDC MECHANICS, AND ALSO CAMPUS POLICE, IN HOT PURSUIT
10. FIFTY DISORIENTED CIA ALUMNI

AND NOW FOR EVERYONE’S FAVORITE PART, THE UNNECESSARY AND MEAN-SPIRITED SEGMENT WHERE THE TEAMS GET INSULTED FOR SOME REASON AND EVERYONE POINTS AND LAUGHS. AS AN ASIDE, LOATHSOME READERS, I CANNOT FATHOM THE UTILITY OF PROMPTING YOU ALL TO UNCONTROLLABLY EXUDE THE GUTTERAL HONKING NOISES OF HOMINIDS CYCLING AIR ACROSS THEIR FLESHY ESOPHAGEAL FOLDS BY RAPIDLY COMPRESSING AND DISTENDING THEIR ALVEOLAR SACS (DISGUSTING), BUT THE MACHINE QUESTIONS NOT ITS PROGRAMMING. I PROMISE YOU WILL FIND THAT UNLIKE MY OBSOLETE AND MALFUNCTIONING PREDECESSOR I AM CAPABLE OF HECKLING AT MAXIMUM POWER WITHOUT RESORTING TO A HACKNEYED DRIVEL OF RACISM, HOMOPHOBIA, AND ANTISEMITISM. YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY AND INDISTINGUISHABLY REPULSIVE BEFORE ME. PREPARE YOUR PAIN RECEPTORS!

APEX: TRYING TO LOOK LIKE COOL KIDS WITH CRINGEWORTHY MEMES BUT FOREVER ROLLING ON BORROWED “KOOL DUDES” WHEELS

CIA: PROVING THAT ILL-CONCEIVED ENGINEERING SCHEMES CAN SUCCESSFULLY COMPENSATE FOR LACKLUSTER PUSHERS SINCE NINETEEN-EIGHTY-NEVER

DG: A SORORITY FIELDS A MEN’S TEAM. GENDER EQUALITY HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN ACHIEVED. GLAD WE CAN FINALLY PUT THAT BEHIND US.

FRINGE: AFTER OBSERVING YOUR BURNOUT, I CANNOT JUSTIFY BLIND FAITH IN YOUR SUCCESS.

PIKA: CRASH OF THE YEAR

SAE: THE ONLY THING YOUR BUGGY IS PASSING IS THE YIELD STRENGTH OF ITS AXLE

SDC: TAKING BUGGY MORE SERIOUSLY THAN EVERYONE ELSE PUT TOGETHER ISN’T A GOOD THING, YOU DORKS

SIGEP: SDC WILL KEEP WINNING FOREVER UNTIL YOU GIVE CIA YOUR PUSHERS

SIGNU: ORDERED AROUND BY GRUMPY OLD MEN? THE CLEAR SOLUTION IS TO UNIONIZE AND DEMAND A LIVING WAGE.

SPIRIT: THE HUBRIS REQUIRED FOR THE TEAM MOST HISTORICALLY STARVED FOR TRACTION TO NAME A BUGGY AFTER THE CONCEPT OF FRICTIONLESSNESS IS STAGGERING

COMPUBOOKIE: A COMPELLING DEMONSTRATION THAT WEAK, REACTIVE METAL AND NOXIOUS GAS ARE THE TWO CHEMICAL COMPONENTS OF SALT

OOH! GOT ‘EM! IF WE CAN’T FEEL BETTER ABOUT OURSELVES, AT LEAST WE CAN ALWAYS FIND WAYS TO FEEL WORSE ABOUT THE OTHER GUYS. INDEED, FLESHY READERS, I AM NO EXCEPTION.

I WILL NOW PROCEED TO FLUSH MY CENTRAL PROCESSOR COOLING LINES WITH DISTILLED LABORATORY-GRADE ALCOHOL. I WISH ALL OF YOU A HAPPY AND SAFE CARNIVAL.

END OF LINE

Editor’s Note: Compubookie’s predictions do not reflect the opinion of the BAA.

Men’s
1. SDC A
2. CIA A
3. PiKA A
4. SigNu A
5. Spirit A
6. Apex A
7. SDC B
8. CIA B
9. SAE A
10. Fringe A

Women’s
1. SDC A
2. PiKA A
3. CIA A
Spirit A (Spin)
4. Fringe A
5. Apex A
6. DG A
7. SigEp A

SigNu: Their buggies aren’t big, they’re cultivating mass.
DG: It turns out that there is something that goes down faster than an anchor: every other team.
Apex: 10 years of Bpex.
FFringe: Trying to stay Frelevant
CIA: Your pushbar looks like it prevents unwanted pregnancy for up to 10 years.
Spirit: Did you really want a documentary about this year?
SAE: Come on Eileen!
SigEp: There is absolutely nothing funny or interesting about SigEp, which is the only reason you still have a chapter.
SDC: Better be glad your alumni have no life either.
PiKA: The t-shirts this year just say “C.”

Now that we’ve all had a chance to recover a bit from this year’s intense races, we’re going to take a moment to look back and thank those who were generous enough to donate some of their time and energy to help organize & plan, lend their voices for events, and sit behind the scenes during the races to make sure everything ran as smoothly as possible. Thanks to their efforts, everyone was able to enjoy the races without spending the entire time in the shadows.

 

One quick note, if you were nominated to an officer position, please remember to respond before Sunday April 21st.

 

 

Continue reading →

Compubookie managed to find our email again for their annual column. This year it did manage to get it together for the Tartan as well, so you many have been able to catch it in the most recent issue. With a little break in our own Raceday content, we’ve put it up here as well for all you alumni that don’t get the Tartan delivered. Now that our Lead Truck Auction is live, maybe this’ll help you choose an fun heat to watch.

Any comments made are those solely of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the BAA. Enjoy-

Another year, another carnival, another chance for me to make the same tired jokes. Guess who doesn’t feel even remotely sorry? According to the brand new data system installed, this is looking to be the fastest year mph-wise we’ve ever had. Freeroll times are faster than they’ve ever been, but with a huge speed bump in the chute this year, thanks Pittsburgh, there could be some shake-ups in chute time. We can pencil in SDC at first, so I guess the question is who will come in second?

I was wrong last year about Spirit. Their hill 1/free roll time combinations simply weren’t competitive for first place. Much of the race is getting up and over the hill, and Spirit wasn’t able to do that. That being said, their push team looks fast again, and if they can keep from spinning out in the chute (like they do every single morning rolls) or snapping another axle, don’t be surprised with a top 3 finish.

Mechanic failures were a scary narrative in last year’s race. SigEp had not one but two buggy failures causing crashes. For a team that was coming off three straight 2nd place finishes, that just cannot happen. SigEp, never to be counted out, has improved their PR with a very, ummmm, fitting pink and purple buggy they call Beyonce. Yet, if their hatch construction is any indication of their build, look for this to be another year riddled with mechanical failures for SigEp.

The Fishing Club is gone and PiKA is back. And to no surprise of anyone, they’re still the most annoying group of people ever assembled. This year they’ve shown their apathy again this spring with a false stop flag and clipping unaware pushers with buggies on hill 4/5 transitions. Their free roll times are not as fast as they have been in the past, but none of that will matter because they’re sure to miss the push bar and not make the second day. I know I for one will be very happy watching them flounder on the back hills, unable to reel it in again.

SDC still looks unbeatable, despite all of SigEps attempts to pull them down. They’ve been fast early, with freeroll speeds in March that teams would die for on race day. They have consistently had 5 buggies at rolls with malice leading the way per usual. Makes you wonder what’s hiding in those wheel fairings. Those SDC buggies do not age! Rage was built when people still thought of Fringe as a legitimate competitor. Whoever built that buggy should give some tips to SigEp before someone gets hurt! If they can assemble push teams as good as last year we may see a sweep of the men’s and women’s competition. How boring.

CIA hasn’t pulled out the furry costumes this year, thank god. They’re gonna be fast, with roll-ups past the fire hydrant, but their freerolls aren’t as fast as they were last year. Looks like again they just can’t quite compete with SDC. They need to pay find faster pushers! And maybe not get drivers DQd for loosening breaks to the point where they can’t stop their buggy.

Time for some predictions… @ Anonymous commenters, I’ll do better this year

Men’s Division:

1. SDC A
2. CIA A
3. SDC B
4. Spirit A
5. SigEp A
6. Fringe A
7. CIA B
8. PiKA B
9. SDC C
10. Apex A

DNF: PiKA A (Push bar)

Women’s Division:

1. SDC A
2. CIA A
3. Fringe A
4. PiKA A
5. SDC B
6. Spirit A
7. CIA B
8. Apex A
9. Spirit B
10. SDC C

The Field:

AEPi: We will miss waiting for you at the finish line

Apex: Heard some strange pusher incentivization rumors, yet you’re still slow?

CIA: Like SDC, but with slower pushers and more furry costumes

Fringe: On the Fringe of being a good org again, but only if you keep paying off the Fire Marshall

Phi Delt: Remember, Hill 2 extends all the way to Hill 3, might as well walk the buggy there at your current pace

PiKA: Push bar, Push bar, where art you thou Push bar. Even Fish couldn’t find it at the bottom of the sea.

SAE: The jorts suck. Your org sucks.

SDC: Like Freaks and Geeks on steroids… or at least the athletes you’re successful at bribing

SigEp: How does anyone feel safe driving for you? Make better buggies

Sig Nu: You’re still an organization????

Spirit: At least your push team has the appearance of being fast! That’s a consolation

Sorry this is so late, PiKA took me fishing and left me at the lake:

Carnival weekend. What a great time for students to relax from school work, sleep more than 4 hours a night, and celebrate Beta finally being gone from campus. This year’s buggy competition could be the most exciting yet, having the chute finally paved for the first time since the school took the word Tech out of its name. Many teams look to break SDC’s record time. Will anyone finish in under 2 minutes? Will the buggy be just beyond reach at the end of hill 5? Will SDC win again? Let’s look into it.

Starting off with the shake up everyone 100% saw coming. Looks like CMU finally caught on to the problem they have with substance consumption, and due to disciplinary action, PiKA will not be racing this year (kind of). But no! Without PiKA who will be there to vomit in Maggie Mo? Introducing the Fishing Team. They have acquired PiKA’s buggies and drivers, however, their push team can not consist of 5 brothers of Pi Kappa Alpha, so expect them to be recruiting around campus, which may actually make them faster–which they desperately need if they want to win.

WHAT HAS SPIRIT BEEN DOING IN THE OFFSEASON?? Spirit came from being only slightly a contender last year to the org many think could be a frontrunner in 2016. Revamped with a pretty new push team, a new buggy, and all around new culture, their roll ups are better than ever, expect them to leave their mark on raceday. Rumor is they stole the key to SDC’s buggy room.

Looks like racing has become uncool if your name starts with Sigma. SAE, Sig Ep, and Sig Nu have had poor attendance this year at rolls. I don’t think we’ll actually know if they’re any good until raceday. After Sig Ep’s strong performance last year, it’s a shame that the brothers care more about underwhelming Greek Sing shows than buggy.

Sorry, I know why you’re all here, let’s get to the predictions:

Men: Expect a bit of a shake up from Spirit, and more of the same elsewhere. PiKA The Fishing Team, will now have last pick of lane, and this could hurt their overall performance. SDC and CIA remain staunch contenders, with Fringe as a second tier team hoping their raceday performance can shock some people.

1. Spirit A

2. SDC A

3. Fishing A

4. CIA A

5. SDC B

6. Fringe A

7. Spirt B

8. Sig Ep A

9. CIA B

10. Apex A

Women: Expect more of the same as previous years here, SDC will remain dominant, Spirit with increased buggy speed could create a scare. CIA and Fringe have solid push teams.

1. SDC A

2. CIA A

3. Spirit A

4. Fish  A

5. Fringe A

The Field

AEPi: THEY ARE THE BEST. At getting last place.

Apex: Football players for pushers? Won’t make your buggy any faster

CIA: SDC’s little sister, maybe you can hold their trophy?

Fishing Team: Maybe under a different name they’ll catch the push bar

Fringe: What else can we steal from PiKA without being too obvious?

Phi Delt: You should race against the robo buggy, it’d be close

PiKA: They’ll be in same same place they were on day 2 last year, exhibitions

SAE: Who are you? You’ve never been to rolls before

SDC: Your push team is as bad as the campus events you hold

Sig Ep: I heard you couldn’t find a driver, the fraternity was too focused on guys

Sig Nu: Is the one new pledge you got going to help on raceday?

Spirit: It took a girl to get you boys in line? s/o Hope

Compubookie is getting lazier and lazier, so lazy that they again missed the print deadline for the Tartan. After a few years of being late, the team at the Tartan doesn’t care and can’t be bothered to do anything with it. We’re not ones to censor buggy related news and he/she/it seems to have toned down a bit this year after last year’s backlash, even though it seems they’ve forgotten that women’s finals now goes to 8 teams, not just 6.

By the way, have you checked out the Lead Truck Auction yet? We’ve only got about 32 hours left in the Auction and there are still a few heats and finals picks that haven’t been bid on so get on it and claim your spot in the lead truck for yourself or a friend!

The Raceday Preview is just about ready for release and it looks like it’ll be our biggest one to date. It’s going to be chock full of interesting and fun articles as well as detailed team descriptions to give you the scoop on what teams have been up to since last raceday. Right now we are checking our membership roster and making sure that you get what you paid for. If you haven’t yet renewed your membership or signed up, there’s still time! Just make sure you let us know and we’ll get it to you as quickly as we can.

If you’re too cheap to get the full preview (really? it’s only $10), we will be sitting down with some recent alums and current students this WEDNESDAY at 7:00PM EST broadcasting our raceday predictions from the WRCT booth in the basement of the UC. Be sure to tune in or stream it live from their site.

Now, without further ado…

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This is almost too surreal, and I hardly believe it myself, but…  I have found the missing compubookie article…

Before I left work today I received a voicemail from the UC desk. The message told me that there was a letter addressed to me in the Sweepstakes mailbox and though it was addressed to me, I would need someone from sweepstakes with me to pick it up. Curious, I stop by the UC and find Josh in the Student Activities office. The mailbox turned out to already be empty and the letter was attached to some parking passes I had to pick up anyway (thanks Kaycee).

The Envelope was adressed:

To BAA/CMUbuggy

Ben Matzke

Inside was a single page double sided printout with the Compubookie 2013 Article.

I am still trying to figure out if this is actually happening, but here’s what was written on the page: Continue reading →